Friday, June 17, 2011

A life changing moment week and I'm finally down to 78.4kgs

This week has been some what emotional week for me.  I get very down when my back and hip are letting me down and I am in constant pain.  I am not a very uplifting person to be around. Even the dog struggles to give me attention!

It stops me from being focused and being able to gym properly.  Its like having square wheels on a car.

However, something happened last Saturday night that I wasn't going to post about but now a week later, I realise that I need to share it because what "nearly" happened was life changing and I felt I didn't get the support from my husband. (I will go into that later).

Last Saturday night driving home from my girls night out at Crown.  I was in the centre lane driving down the Eastern Freeway heading outbound back home.  As I was driving along in hubbies car.  I could see a head of me a red car parked in the center of an upcoming bridge.  It is Belford Road bridge its a quiet bridge that is used to get to the Kew golf club.  Anyway, I remember thinking.  Why are the cars banked up on the bridge.

As I got closer I saw that was nearly my life rushing ahead of me.

I man came to the bridge wearing a grey hooding covering his head and he had a huge rock in his hand and lent over the bridge aimed at me in the centre lane.   I can't remember at that very point what I said. I know it wasn't clean enough for me to post here. (Even writing this my heart is racing at a million miles and feel teary).

I do remember thinking selfish prick and F@#k he is going to throw that at me.  I can still remember seeing the image of his face looking at me!

I knew there was a car to my right - I had no idea what was to my left but I just swerved into the left lane.  I remember seeing the car to the right also swerve to the emergency lane.

I felt sick and angry when I got to the other side and realised what just could have happened.

Being in hubbies car I had hands free phone and called the Police.   I got the man from Emergency services and I doubt anything could be done but he took my details.  Some of the questions were just stupid like did you see the rock, was he drunk or drug effected?  I was like "Buddy I didn't want to stick around to see if he threw it or what it was but he was aiming at me and looking down at me".

I came home and was ready to burst into tears.  Hoping my husband would lend me a shoulder but alas like every other moment in my life.  I was let down.  He was more interested in getting my problem sorted out.   He just didn't get it!

Then I got angry with hubby.  I felt that he had no concept of the fact someone just could have killed me and my phone is the last thing to worry about.  I guess to men - I am OK and the phone isnt.  Maybe that's the side of the family my son gets his Autism from.  Who knows.

I haven't been able to sleep all week without seeing at some stage a man wearing a grey hoodie over his face. I have had huge horrific car accident "death" type dreams all week.

Most of the week I have struggled with emotional eating and I know see why.  I am doing this journey on my own.  I know I don't get the support at home and I sometimes feel like the 3 of us are living under the same roof but traveling separately.   Something to work on I guess.

So I am sorry this post is a bit of a downer but I needed to get it off my chest and being my blog I guess this is the best place.  I realise why I emotionally eat.  Especially after last weekend.

Selfish prick!


  1. Felicity, ive been following your journey with the 12 week challenge, i have you on my blog list.
    I know where you are coming from with this and hubby! Sometimes they just dont get it at all! My husband is the same, just cant even begin to relate to it because it didnt happen to them! And its so frustrating! Its like they are emotional cripples and then i think the same thing about my son, (This is where he gets it from!). I think if you have to learn anything from this, is that you have only yourself to rely on. Only you know how you felt in that situation, only you knew to pull over to the side of the road, and just like that situation, only you can determine how this event goes on to shape you. Your've been really strong and making such great progress for yourself, and i know you will continue to do that. Try not to let the event of one deranged person effect your life in a negative way, and dont let the actions of your husband be an excuse, thats men for you i think! They aren't individual like us woman, i think most men come from the same mold!! Especially Aussie men!!! lol You have been so inspiring to me during this challenge, keep up the great work sweetie and try to overcome this hickup! Thinking of you ((HUGS))