Stuck

I haven't posted for the past week as all of my posts sounded so down and dull when I tried to.

I figured it was best to not post anything if I had nothing nice to say. Haha.

I am still stuck at the 76 mark.  As of Saturday I was back down to 76 and I was sure when I weighed myself on Monday morning, I would be well and truly into the 75's.

So my shock horror when I opened my eyes and found 76.8kgs screaming back at me.  I got on and off the scales several times just to make sure, but there was no chance of it being wrong.

Last week I struggled big time, with a friendship that I have always known when I'm dieting is best to be put on the back burner.  While ultimately I am responsible for what goes into my mouth and how I allow peoples words to affect me, there was just some serious mental game playing going on.   Which after 3 weekends in a row, I believe had taken hold of my weight loss.  I started to doubt everything and I had so much negative stuff going on that the only way I could explain it was that I had been deprogrammed.   So I have slowly been reading my Craig Harper books and watched his DVD, reread my Michelle Bridges books and been kind to myself.   Gone back to doing what I know (apparently) works for me.

I find it hard because I want to talk about what I am doing and how great I feel.  I want to share this journey with others but its hard.  I worry that I am boring people, that I have become dull, because I get so much pleasure from exercising and that I do plan and think about my food more than most people do.  But I have to as I have watched counted and exercised for the past 19weeks and have only lost 13kilos (since 1/5/10).

My body is playing up in ever section of my large muscle group and just when I think we have sorted the problem, Bang! something else gives out.    It will be interesting to see what happens while I am on holidays.  If my body just needs some time out to fully rest and recover.

I read something the other day that explains that every time you workout/exercise you damage your muscles that is what caused the muscle tissue to bulk up blah blah blah but the bottom line is, your body needs time to repair before you go at it again.

While I thought the lovely new muscles in my thighs that I can feel, was part of the new Me process.  Where as in fact they shouldn't be this hard when I am resting and there is an underlying problem somewhere that is causing everything to seize up.

So while I am disappointed yet again that I didn't make my goal by my target date (remember my 12 week challenge final!).  There is still 5 days before I go away and might still be a chance that I make it to 75kgs.  This in all fairness always was my goal for Queensland to be at.

Other factors that are probably contributing to my very slow or no weight loss this month.

I have gone back on the Pill after 10 years and I believe this can cause weight gain.  I have a tumor on my inside girlie bits which is to be further investigated when I come back from holidays (Yes I am scared shit less) and the emotional crap that goes with it alone probably has a lot to do with no weight loss.

I have also been taking "Sculpt" women's protein shake.  I must admit its nice to drink and really good to have when your on the go after gym.  It can be used as a meal replacement with skim milk and its very filling and great for muscle recovery.  However it does have a whopping 200+ calories if your drinking it just as a snack.  I have tried to use it as a meal replacement a few times this week but I miss crunching on food.  The upside is that I have my energy levels back up again.  Downside is my weight has gone up not down.

Sleep again has been a huge issue and I plan on catching up on lots of it while on holidays.  At the moment I take half a prescription sleeping tablet, which I hate doing but my son is an awful sleeper, who wakes me several times a night and its the only way I can fall into a deep sleep quickly and go back to sleep after being woken.    Natural sleeping tables no longer work for me. However it is my goal while on holidays to stop taking them.  It will be interesting to see what happens weight loss wise when I have do medication going through my system.

So when I come back from holidays, it will be  8 weeks until Christmas.  So already my goal will be to in the 60's by then.  I figure at this weight now I only have 5kilos to lose but there will be for sure, holiday kilos to get rid of as well.    My plan for the holidays is to be as active as possible (we walk everywhere and take public transport) to keep eating well, with a few nights out at our favorite restaurants.   There is a gym close by so if its raining etc and I can bring myself to go into a new gym that I don't know anyone.  I will head off for some cardio as I do worry about my fitness dropping.  I know how I felt when I allowed myself to have 2 days off a few weeks ago it took nearly a week to get back into the swing of pushing myself again.

See I am so boring,  I am already planning but I guess thats the key.  Thinking about what I know I want and where I want to go for dinner etc.  Getting the exercise in and not throwing it all away just because I am on holidays.  I so don't want to have to lose weight that I have already lost before.  What would be the point of that.  Sure I can handle a kilo or two but anymore than that and I will be a nervous wreck.

So today Tuesday I have allowed myself to have the morning off from gym.  I am sore and will be going to physio later today.   Depending on how I feel after physio I will go off to gym tonight and do a light cardio.

I will use my holiday to recharge and start setting some new goals.  So who wants to join me for a 8 week cyber challenge when I get back?